The Truth About Communicating

We communicate with our partners much more than we think. Verbal communication is just a small part.

Couples often come to me for help with their communication. In fact, virtually every couple that I have ever seen has stated in one form or another that they have trouble communicating. They are usually referring to the way in which they verbally communicate with each other. However, there is another form of communication that is even more important and largely misunderstood, and that is the way the partners are thinking about each other.

Our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions create energetic signals that are being transmitted to the world around us (including our partners) and influence our experience. The quality of our thoughts determines the quality of our lives, and the way we think about our partners plays a significant role in what we receive back from them. Our partners can 'hear' (mostly unconsciously) what we are thinking about them even if we never speak the words.

Let's say that I am habitually thinking thoughts such as, "He never listens to me, He doesn't care what I think." The more I repeat these thoughts, the greater the probability I will experience my partner not listening to me or not caring about what I think. He is receiving these signals and more than likely will reflect back to me the essence of my thoughts. If I make a habit of thinking genuine thoughts of appreciation and looking for the best in my partner, then I will experience more of that from them as well. 

This is, of course, an oversimplified version of the way relationship dynamics work. However, the principle is clear: I receive in my experience what I give out (in the form of thoughts and emotions). 

The question to ask ourselves is, "Do my current thoughts about my partner serve me?" Since our thoughts and feelings are a form of communication and have creative power, what kind of thoughts will you choose to think about your partner?